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Monday, November 29, 2004

Porsche's and Teeth, umm say what?

Several years ago I worked for a Porsche dealer in Atlanta and I loved it. Not just any Porsche's, mind, but antique Porsche's. Really cool stuff, gad the owner of the business had many fine examples of german made super cars in his stable. As I was the man responsible to make sure they ALL ran properly I got to take home any one that I wished. Ha, what a job! They were all in wonderful condition, mainly just needing minor maintenance here and there.
One day I was installing an engine in one and stupidly allowed a huge steel prybar that had the entire load of the engine weight on it to slip and wack me square in the mouth, actually breaking a tooth in two. Not one of the two chiclet looking one's right in front that everyone has but the one right next door! I went to my dentist and he took pictures of my head in all it's panoramic glory with a machine that threatened to twist my head off if he wasn't careful. The end result was computer displayed images of my pumpkin that were probably uploaded to some super satellite to be downloaded and displayed at cyber cafe's all over the world with various silly captions like "Moron Breaks Tooth" or "Bumpkin Look Makes Comeback" and I would be the butt of endless, mindless dental jokes not to mention the 8x10 glossies and wallet-sized to be handed out to family and friends and people with kinky tooth fetishes and other stuff. The dentist made a cap for me and diligently glued it on to the broken stub and it looked quite presentable!
Why do I bring all this up? I'm glad you asked. The day before thanksgiving I was eating a small bag of Doritos, ya, those things that shred the roof of your mouth into tiny bits of flesh and lodges it's debris deep in between your teeth and gums so that 600 yrs from now archaeologists digging up your carcass for study will take one look at your teeth and exclaim, yep, here's another one that grazed on Doritos and sent him to an early grave, just judging by the appearance of the skull. While chowing down on one particularly crispy Dorito I broke the cap off my tooth. Nothing says "hillbilly" better than having a front tooth out no matter how sharply dressed you are and hair just so can make up for it and at a gathering of family and friends with the dentist closed for the next 4 days! Ow, what a bad long weekend. And then you feel like you just have to explain to everyone why you suddenly look like a hillbilly wonder, and there's not even any comfort in knowing that it was a Porsche that caused all this social discomfort in the first place! I'm scheduled to have it repaired tomorrow so be careful folks, the next time you see a Porsche on the street cover your mouth, because they are known to be very hard on teeth.