mechaniacal rants

• Oil changes do NOT include complete overhaul of the entire vehicle or even just the engine or transmission. If your car/truck/suv breaks down a week later, don't call asking if it was something we may have done wrong. That's not rocket science, usually an apprentice does oil changes and is normally well trained and supervised. However, nosepicking skills are no longer required.
• Repairing modern cars/trucks/suvs IS rocket science, computer and mathematical skills are required as well as powers of deduction, a background in electrical and electronics, some knowledge in physics and hydraulics, mechanical stress evaluation, a psychiatrist and the giddyness of an 8 yr old with his first model car kit.
• If your vehicles brakes have completely failed and you drive it in for repair, please warn the tech that there are NO brakes before he moves the vehicle. Driving the car into the shop before the garage door is actually open is not part of the normal repair process.
• Installing a new engine is just that, a new ENGINE, notice the difference between that and the words alternator, waterpump, transmission and so on and so forth. Only the ENGINE is warranteed not the entire vehicle. Do not expect us to replace failed wiper blades 6 months later because we installed an ENGINE.
• Engine warranties are normally 36,000 miles, don't come to us after 60,000 miles, never having changed the oil even one single time after we installed it and expect a new one. We mark that first oil filter and know if it has been changed at all, 60,000 miles on the break-in oil is a SIN. May you burn in hell for your indiscretions upon your poor defenseless vehicle.
• Driving that ultra swanky, over priced, over rated, over engineered piece of crap may look purty but that don't make it the best vehicle on the road, and don't expect preferential treatment just because you think it is. We do however make exceptions for secksy women driving secksy cars.....
• A fancy box of high dollar tools does not a mechanic make, but I always spent a couple hundred dollars a month or more on new tools just to keep up with emerging automotive technologies. Besides, the new stuff is the most fun to play with. weeeee
• A joke for the ones that read this far, What's the difference between a Porsche and a Porcupine? The Porsche has the pricks on the inside.

Damn, my cigarette lighter socket stopped working, I bet those guys that fixed my brakes last month did something wrong...grrrrr