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Monday, October 30, 2006

The Incurable Cynic

Here's a list of things that I've either learned over the years or that just annoy the hell out of me:

Relative Humidity has nothing to do with whether or not it's raining at your cousins house.

New and Improved means they've found a new and improved way to charge more for the same crappy product.

30% More Free! means they've figured out how to make it cheaper.

Miracle Drugs involve 2 separate miracles. One is if it actually works at all. Second is if it doesn't make you more ill than you were without it.

Doctors will always figure out a way to give you the maximum number of return appointments for even the most minor types of illnesses.

No matter how fast you go on the freeway, there's always some asshole that thinks you're going too slow and will ride directly on your rear bumper at 80 mph, mistakenly believing this will cause everyone to magically speed up no matter how heavy the traffic is.

Here's a commercial blooper I would love to see!

And finally... Owwww!