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Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Click Click BOOM!

Every now and then I get the urge to just go out and throw rocks. I used to love throwing rocks when I was a kid, it was all the entertainment I could afford usually. I always loved the feel of a good smooth rock rolling around in my palm, rolling it between my fingers, enjoying the cold hard feel that made me feel invincible, and joyfully destructive. I was an excellent rock thrower, I would hurl them at everything and anything, old cans and bottles, trees and windows, old cars and trucks and sometimes even people when I was angry. I don't recall ever meeting anyone that could throw better than me, I could hurl them very hard and with very high accuracy, hitting my target much more often than not. Maybe I should have been a pitcher, but baseball bored me to tears growing up. I just liked throwing things and I wasn't allowed to just throw the ball, I had to throw to a specific spot, and I hated being told what to do.

I did try out for pitching and learned to throw a ball very well. I could throw those hard and fast too. I was a terror in the schoolyards with a baseball, especially those great big indoor softballs. I loved hurling those at people, I could wack someone in the back of the head or in the stomach easily from a long ways off. Yeah, I was a bully, but not just any bully. I was the guy that kicked the asses of the real bullys, the assholes in school that always seemed to make everyone else's life miserable, that picked on girls and fat kids for no reason and were always going around picking fights with everyone to prove... what? I don't know, they were just assholes, plain and simple and I loved making their lives miserable in any way that I could. I knew these guys were afraid of me and I cultivated that image readily by going out of my way to step in to a fight even though I wasn't directly involved.

I also hated when these idiots would do stupid things to disrupt class, like decide to try to show the teacher who was boss and refuse to listen to instructions and follow along with the class and just generally being disruptive to a point where nothing was getting done. In other words wasting everyone else's time while the teacher had to stop the class to deal with the moron(s). I recall one incident in particular where this idiot was doing those exact things and I got so pissed I jumped up from my desk and went over to the assholes desk and lifted it up from the front and tipped him over backwards, sending him sprawling across the floor with his books and stuff, when he scranbled to get up I walked over and kicked him in the ass, knocking him down again and told him he better stay down because I was going to fuck him up. Everyone in class started cheering me and shouting at the asshole that he was a coward and was too chicken shit to get up. He stayed down until I walked away. He never disrupted that class again. We got sent to the office, he got a 3 day suspension, I got a warning. I was the new class hero, I had done what everyone else wished they could do, but didn't.

Sometimes, I wish I could throw rocks like I used to do. It made me feel good and alive. But I no longer have a penchant for being destructive so I don't think it would be as much fun as it was in those days. Although, sometimes it feels pretty good to build something first and then destroy it.