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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Dog Town News

New Orleans Unprepared

While surveying the city for damage to the levee system, the Army Corps of Engineers have discovered that New Orleans is totally unprepared for the event of glaciers encroaching on the entire metropolitan city area. Teams of engineers were immediately dispatched by Thad Allen, head of FEMA, to investigate this new and dangerous threat to the Big Easy. "We will get to the bottom of this." he claimed in one interview. He also promised that FEMA will give New Orleans all the aid necessary to ensure that glaciers will never become a permanent fixture in southern Louisiana. As an emergency measure he approved the immediate distribution of 750,000 ice picks, and 1.5 million snow parkas to local residents. When asked about camp stoves, kerosene and tents he said they are currently "looking into it".

Mayor Ray Nagin, when asked to comment, replied "This situation is nothing new, we've known about the possiblity of glaciers overunning our city for many years and have had local engineers working on the problem since I first took office." To prove it he showed an artists rendering of a system he calls "GEDS" which is short for Glacier Encroachment Defense System.

Above: artists rendering

Nagin explained that the system, expected to cost between 8 and 10 billion dollars, can be fully funded from taxes collected from the local gambling casinos and the lottery system. "This system uses the suns energy collected into a series of giant parabolic mirrors and reflects it at the front end of approaching glaciers, melting the ice. Not only will the energy source be free but it will also provide plenty of fresh drinking water for the entire city. We will also expect to have an over abundance of fresh water that we will be able to sell to neighboring states for a small, but tidy profit" he claimed.

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