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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

My Punch Out List

I keep a running list of assholes, dumbasses, jerks and morons that I plan on punching out someday after I finally punch out. It doesn't matter if I go to heaven or hell, either way I figure that I'll have all eternity to track these fuckers down and just give em' a good punch in the eye, stomp on their foot, kick in the balls or just generally slap the bitches around for their transgressions while we were here on earth. I'm thinking that no matter where I end up, an eternity is gonna get booooring, eventually, and I might as well have something fun to do!

That said, here's a short list of recent inductees to my Punch Out List.
  • The asswipe that made a left turn in front of me a few months ago and forced me to slam into the side of your truck. I realize that accidents happen, but you get an extra special Mike Tyson style slam to the rib cage, a punch in the nose, and I'll bite your freekin' ear off for not even asking if I was hurt or not, double for your totally uncompassionate wife! Bastards! (read the full story here, with pictures!)
  • The woman that suddenly needed to cross over three lanes to make a U-turn instead of going a block or two further down the road and doing it safely, taking my life and safety into your foul and decrepit hands, nearly causing me to get run over by an 18 wheeler. That blue hair and the inch thick glasses isn't gonna stop me from slapping you silly with a large nasty catfish!
  • The lady at the Circle K convenience store for counting out $18.99 in ones and coins for a $20 dollar bill and not letting me slide on the penny for a $1.01 purchase. I realize that you had no choice on the ones but I'm gonna smack that toothy smirk off your ugly face someday when we meet again for the penny! Bitch!
  • The garbageman for appearing to purposely bust one of the wheels off the roll around garbage can. I saw you do it you ugly bastard, there's a big difference between tossing it to the curb and slammin' the motherfucker to the pavement like you were trying to break it! I'll go Muhammed Ali on your sorry ass when we meet again, multiple, lightning speed blows to the head and torso is your ultimate fate!
  • The mockingbird that likes to perch on top of my car to hunt bugs in the front yard, I know ya gotta eat and feed the babies and it's great fun watching you patiently hunt and strike like death from above on unsuspecting worms and grubs in the lawn below. BUT, do ya have to crap all over my freekin' car? I'm gonna yank a few of your tailfeathers out for that shit, you freaky, feathered, flying reptile!
  • The pharmacist at Walgreens for making me go 2 miserable days thinking I was gonna have to shell out over $500 bucks a month on my medications by mistakenly telling me my new insurance plan would not pay for them! You get a single, mighty George Forman body blow that will knock you flying off your feet and break a rib or two for that one! Bitch!
  • The huge black crow that perches on the oak tree branch outside my bedroom window early in the mornings and caw, caw, caws like a screaming, tortured banshee from purgatory and wakes me up at the crack of doom most mornings, I have a Daisy hi- powered pellet with your name on it you fucker, you have a death wish and I'm gonna send your sorry ass to hell, and then I'm gonna kill you over and over again when we meet there. I'll have all eternity to make your ass as miserable as I possibly can! Do they have pellet guns in hell?

Those are just my newest additions, of course the list is quite long since I've been keeping it for years now. I look forward to adding more! Hell yeah! hehe

I had some problems with my 'net service for a couple days, I could barely do anything online but it seems to be all fixed now, Thanks to Cox Cable for putting me on eternal telephone hold for nothing you bastards, you're gonna make my Punch Out List soon enough!

On the positive side though I was able to finish a brand new template for Rachael over at "As Always... Rachael", go over and check it out and make sure you leave comments! She writes some crazy off the wall shit that'll have you laughing and crying! Hell yeah!

Even MORE positive, it also gave me the time I needed to finish up my totally brand schpankin' new Blogs Gone Wild! site at it's own domain, woohoo! I think it helps to show off more of my graphics skills and it has some interactive Flash content. Theres also a bit of new stuff in the help section and cool blog stuff sections which I plan on expanding even more in the near future!