Out of the Closet!

What do you think of my new look? A bit radical I know, but it was about time I came out and admitted that I am really just a big goofy sweetheart and just a really nice guy all around. I know some of you will be really shocked but it's true! I can't help it! And I just plain love pink!! Don't you just adore this sweet new template!!

No, this doesn't mean I'll be dressing up in womens clothing or anything like that and I'm certainly not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that....! It just means you won't be seeing anymore heavy duty "guy" like topics here anymore! Nice clothes and being well dressed and groomed, not to mention house and garden stylings and just neighborly gossip from now on! That's the ticket! Nice subjects, and neighborly chat and gossip! Oh yes!! April Fools!

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Not April Fools....I just finished 2 new blogger templates, they are up and running and making folks happy! One is at "Do You Know What it Means to Miss New Orleans" and the other is "In Parenthesis" if you would like to go take a look at my latest handiwork and of course leave a cool comment like I know you are all capable of doing! And please don't forget to check my Blog of the Day thingy in the sidebar, I may not change it daily, but YOU just might be the next one on the hook!

My pet project, Blogs Gone Wild! is going to get a huge facelift this weekend so I'll be tres' busy my friends. I have purchsed 3 new domain names to direct traffic to the site from search engines and will be making it more visible on the net as a whole. I am also planning on making all the links I have set up to all my template users (paid and unpaid) even more visible and maybe we can all in this community get more traffic to each of our sites thru that. Won't that be cool? I know some of you want more traffic and some don't, if anyone prefers to NOT have their Blogs Gone Wild! template in the links listing, just drop me an email! I also plan on writing up some tutorials on how to do some cool template tricks and whatnot and tips on posting pictures in the near future! We can all have more fun with our blogs when we can enjoy just playing with them rather than be frustrated by using it.

The template work has gotten a bit more steady and I love it! Without you guys love and support it just wouldn't be the same. I appreciate each and every one of you and I just hope you all know that. I will also be doing a major facelift here very soon!

Love you all! Think Pink!! ;)

i'm a frikkin' BUTCHER...

...of lawns and anything green. If it grows I'll kill it. I'm like the grim reaper with a weedeating, high-powered, fossil-fuel enraged scythe of death and destruction. Nothing stands in my way, NOTHING. Flowers? DOOMED. Nice shrubbery? Marked for DEATH. Don't even get me started on anything that even remotely resembles a weed, they deserve special attention. If they grow back too quickly they will feel the wrath of my own brand of Agent Orange like slow death by extreme chemical poisoning. And even that is being too nice to them!

Lawnmowers are my familiars and weapon of choice, the more rickety and barely running piece of crap the better. Extremely dull, rusty ass blades for maximum hitting power. Riding mowers? Even better, I can utilize maximum horsepower at higher speeds to deal death to a wider variety of flora in a minimum amount of time.

Hedge trimmers? You want it to look like a guy on a 3 day tequila drunk hacked them bitches up, hire me! I can really wreak havoc on them, and never feel a single ounce of remorse. Electric power will do in a pinch but for maximum impact go for the gas powered death dealers, they kick ass and make shitloads of loud noises to trumpet your arrival. They cringe in fear at the sight of me bearing down on their countenance with a swordfish like gasoline powered saw.

Weedeaters! Hell yeah, now we're talking. The high pitched, whining sound of a 2 stroke powered monofilament string blade is music to my ears as I swing it to and fro, to and fro, wiping out all the flora that dare stand in my path. A huge bonus is making fire ants feel the extreme sting of the nylon as it deals out a swath of death from above as my machine mows down their mud domiciles with glee! Almost nothing makes me feel quite so giddy and full of joy!


But, I do have a soft side, I love trees! Even in my own yard! And everywhere else for that matter, the more the better! Its the grass and the shrubs and the weeds that annoy me, demanding to be tended to and to be kept trim and watered, and paid attention to, eating into my valuable time and constantly annoying the hell out of me. Making me SNEEZE and causing runny noses and puffy, itchy eyes and itchy red skin!!!

Die bastard plants, DIE.

Trees generally take care of themselves and are always welcome. I've even been known to plant a few in moments of severe sentimental weakness. But the perfect lawn for me is asphalt or concrete painted green to resemble a lawn, or covered with astroturf, that would rock my nuts!

One of my favorite expressions is, "if I moved in next door to you, your lawn would die." That one always makes me smile.

peachy goodness

I met Nanner and her cousin at the Cafe Du Monde for coffee and beignets at about 10:30 AM and we stood in line maybe 15 minutes for a table. We found decent seating right in the corner of the outdoor part just across from Jackson Square. We were being entertained by a couple of street entertainers singing old-time ditties such as "Ain't She Sweet", one man on trombone and the other on guitar, an odd couple but fun! We gorged on sticky powdered sugar donuts and hot cafe au lait, delicious!This first pic was taken facing an angle towards Jackson Square, notice how foggy the sky is! We sat and chatted and got caught up on blogger world, yeah, theres a good chance you're name came up because we talked about a lot of you guys! hehe. Which ones?, noooo, I'm not telling.

Nanner is a looker!! Hell yeah!

The girls had a small map of all the shops they wanted to hit in the quarter so we didn't stay there long. Looked like a small battle plan actually. We headed out across Decatur St. and browsed the outdoor art displays. Lots of really nice work, but I didn't really see anything I liked as much as I do Victorias work, she rocks! We went past St. Louis Cathedral and started hitting the shops on the list and there were just too many to describe here. We hit everything from voodoo and witchcraft shops to almost every jewelry shop in the quarter and even a place that featured clothing from India including belly dancer style outfits. This is where Nanner tried a on a red sequined top. The thing felt like it was armored with all the sequins on it and felt like it weighed a couple pounds!

Awesome!

We took a break at the Chart Room and had a couple of drinks and waited out a short rainstorm. This is the same bar (a dive actually) with cheap drinks that Angie of Cootersnap! turned me onto a couple weeks ago. The rain didn't last long and we continued along the battle front moving in a criss-cross pattern to confuse the enemy that put us triumpantly on Bourbon St. I got this pic of Nanner as I was facing the Royal Sonesta Hotel and a Bourbon St. sign on the post in the background! At one point we stopped in at a small grocery and got Bandaids for her big toes because her new sandals were hurting her. Yeah, we walked our asses off!

Hunger was finally setting in and we found a small restaurant on Chartres St. called Pierre Masperos and we had po'boy sandwiches and fried oysters! The sandwiches were good and very messy to eat, the mark of a true po'boy sandwich. It was now past 5PM and we were pretty tired by this time, having walked around for nearly 6 hours! Thats a shitload of walking!! We called it a day and I walked the girls to their car, we said our goodbyes and did the hugs. Parting sucked!

I had a lot of fun, Nanner was sweet and easy to talk to with a casual manner and charm that made me feel very comfortable around her. I hated saying goodbye, our time together was way too short! Hopefully we get to meet again in the future!! It's so nice to meet our friends face to face after meeting them online. I'm looking forward to meeting other bloggers in the coming year, who's next?

nice weather

The weather here has been awfully nice lately with the exception of the tree pollen in the air, I'm allergic to some. Yeah, sucks to be me, well not really, but. I've been a bit busy the past couple days, the hot water went down at the folks, the heater tank rusted thru and water was leaking all over the place. They somehow procrastinated on buying a new one as they agonized over what brand name to buy, me, I'm not so picky over brand names on household items. I walk in, the salesman shows me a washing machine for $369 thats loaded with bells & whistles when theres a machine right there for $199 and I ask whats wrong with the cheaper one. Of course he will reply "nothing, but" and I'll break in with another question like "does it wash clothes?" His inevitable reply will be "of course" which leads me to say "thats what I need, load it up" bitch! How about you guys, are you that picky on mundane shit like hotwater heaters and can openers?

I can see maybe buying a counter top can opener for the looks, I mean sometimes there is the coolness factor involved on having a spiffy looking machine on your kitchen counter. But other than that, if the damn thing opens freakin' cans what difference does it make, other than buying for low price. My folks bought one of those stupid egg shaped looking can openers last year made by Black & Decker, looked really cool. Came packed inside a 1 gallon paint can, weird packaging yes, but I assume they thought that added to the coolness factor for some reason. The result was that it ended up being basically sentenced to collect dust in the laundry room as one of the biggest pieces of crap I have ever seen.

I mean really, tin cans have been around for a while now, you would think that opening them wouldn't be such a whizz bang technology, not exactly bleeding edge. So just how do we end up with a heavily advertised total piece of crap on the market from a fairly well respected company like Black & Decker. Market pressure? Or have they figured out the we are just lambs to the slaughter, that we'll always buy the coolest "looking" thing on the horizon no matter how shitty of a product it is. The bottom line is that all cans are now opened with one of those old fashioned hand cranked ones, although a very nice comfortable to hold one with big finger grips for easy turning. Yeah, it opens cans, exactly like it was intended and all for less than $10, amazing how technology sometimes just jumps up and bites you on the ass. Suck it Black & Decker!

New topic:

Nanner, the peachy one, the queen of peachiness, the peach mistress herself, should be ringing me up tomorrow if all goes well on her trek towards Houston, Tx. I'm very much looking forward to meeting her in person. I imagine we'll do some touristy shit and poke around the French Quarters and have some food together! I can't wait really, aren't I lucky? I got to meet Laurie from the blog called "Do You Know What It means to Miss New Orleans" from Beaumont, Tx the weekend before Mardi Gras (todays Blog of the Day, click the phlegm) and then 2 weeks ago I got to meet the Cooter gal Angela of "Welcome to Cootersnap!" Does it get any better? Yeah, I didn't think so!

You guys have a great weekend with plenty of extra hotwater! Oh, and no playing with that cool new electric can opener in the tub!

killer picture post!!

Angie forwarded these pictures to me! Tell us we weren't having a kick ass time at the Chart Room!! I think these pics will tell tell ya just how much damn FUN we had!!

Her head was hanging a bit low at the end in that last one. OMG she is TOO funny!! We laughed our asses slap off!!I think I got them in pretty good order of how drunk Angie was getting as the evening progressed!! Yeah, we should have kids, huh? LOL

the drag

There are many ways to drag, and one is of course to drag things out. Drag it out to the point of feeling like you're nearly insane. Other ways include but not limited to are drag racing, drag the river, drag things on the ground and taking a long drag. Don't be a drag, man! I'm dragging ass, I need coffee. I hate this job so much I'm gonna drag up. Put some drag on that ball. What's the coefficient of drag on that car. Drag queens are everywhere. Just drag and drop. Click and drag.

I applied with the state back in November for some Vo-Tech training and aid in finding new employment because I'm still considered disabled. That was about the time I started to feel healthy enough to do something with myself since my liver transplant and I also started this blog at about the same time. I was doing well as a top paid auto technician in Georgia at a major dealership before I fell ill but now with my body being immuno-suppressed for the remainder of my life to protect my liver from being killed by my own body I have to change trades. Even a small cut or break in the skin could easily lead to infections and that means like a week in the hospital, being pumped full of antibiotics or even death. I think you can see why being a mechanic would be a bad idea.

I want to learn another trade, something in the IT fields, like networking, yeah I'm pretty good with setting up and running small networks, for personal, home and small business. I used to own a small company in Atlanta called Alpha Computers. Building and selling PC's and setting up networks and I also did some webmastering for several small companies, but I've lost a lot of those skills while I was ill. I've been really enjoying relearning html and now the inner workings of css which was just a pimple in webmastering back when I used to do it. I know I still have a long ways to go and now I want to get some formal training in that area. When I was younger I loved working outdoors in the garage, cold in the winter and hot in the summer never really bothered me much but now I want to work indoors dammit, so I'm not lamenting not being able to use my old technician skills as much as you might think.

Now for the real drag, I'm STILL waiting for the rusty ass gears of bureaucracy to move and shove things into the right position for me to go to school. They tested my psyche and determined that I would benefit from whatever money they spent on my behalf and I thought it was all set and done. Now they want me to go to an evaluation that will last an entire 6 or 7 workdays to determine what kind of placement I can get in classes and beyond. I half-heartedly understand why, but, what started out as them telling me that if things moved well I could get into spring classes. Now, it's starting to look like I won't even make the beginning of the summer class schedules!! I am yet to be even scheduled to go for the week long evaluation, it's supposed to arrive in the mail and no word yet.

Yeah, its dragging ass, I picked a bad time to stop sniffing glue and quit smoking, hey, can I get a drag? If this shit keeps up they may be dragging the river for my body and then after all is said and done I hope I don't get a job that sucks so bad that I just wanna drag up. Or maybe I could go bartend at one of those night clubs in the french quarter with the drag queen shows. And the state is just flat out being a damn drag! If I'm really lucky I'll end up at a job where I can do a lot of click and drag. Ahh, screw it, maybe I'll just toss it all and go drag racing! See ya on the blacktop, leadfoot.

meeting Angela

I had this nice long post all written out to tell you guys everything that happened when me and Angela of Welcome to Cootersnap! met last weekend but Blogger ate the post like a DICK and It was totally lost, sooo I'm gonna give you the Cliff's Notes version LOL. In fact I think I'll just let you read Angelas post and i'll fill in the blanks.

• Angela said I would recognize her as the fattest girl in the bar and wearing a blue blouse. She was wearing blue but she was nicely slender and tall and very pretty! See her pic in the sidebar!
• Angela drank a lot.
• I mean Angela really drank a LOT.
• Boy could she put the drinks away!! LOL
• She was a helluva lot of fun to talk to.
• She has a gorgeous smile and has an amazing sense of humor!
• We swapped many stories, way too many to retell here.
• Angela, the oysters on the lower tier of the Royale platter had caviar on top, yummy!!
• The Royale platter was at the Bourbon House Oyster Bar.
• That was my coke, I think we shared 2 or 3 and then got 2 more to go! And damn they were good!

Now go read the rest of the story at Angelas blog, she posted about the trip today!!

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now...

One season when I was a teenager the offshore work for a diver tender was getting off to a slow start so I signed on as a welders helper to go on a natural gas production platform in the Gulf of Mexico. Being a gas platform there was no smoking allowed anywhere on the rig except inside the specially closed off living quarters on the main deck. Natural gas is colorless and odorless, it doesn't have any smell until the gas company adds it in after processing inshore. In other words, you could be standing directly in an area where the air itself is flammable or even explosive depending on the amount present and not even know it.

If you know even the tiniest bit about welding and cutting steel, you know that it means you're using high-current electrical arcs and very high temperature flame to burn thru solid steel. The platform needed some modifications done to add in new equipment and we were there to take care of that detail, except no one had told me beforehand the type of working conditions. I was 17 yrs old, wet behind the ears, with no firefighting training, and I really enjoyed living, so what the hell was I doing there?

One thing you didn't do when working in industries like that was show any signs of being a wuss or wimpy or a candy ass, the men would seize on it and ride you with teasing till your life was miserable. Saying you didn't wanna get your ass blown to smithereenies and back fell under the category of being a wuss, so I kept my mouth shut and wished I had some way to walk on water or I would have gotten my not so happy butt off that crazy thing FAST.

The horror of being labeled a candy ass was quickly demonstrated to a hapless electrician that became the butt of many jokes and relentless teasing after he showed what he was made of on our very first task on this job. This man had a brand new toolbox with fancy tools and screwdrivers and such and wore all new uniform clothes, yeah, this guy absolutely reeked of newbieness. You just didn't bring ALL new clothes on a job much less brand spanking new tools. He was ripe for the picking and an easy target for fun at the hands of the crew. The welder I was helping wasn't particularly pleasant to start with, either, he chewed tobacco and had a nasty ass habit of spittin' that disgusting chew all over the deck. He was an older guy and looked like he had seen too many seasons offshore, rough face and hands caused by a long, hard scrabble life but with lots of job experience.

The electrician had some cables to be run inside of a steel enclosure on the main deck, this involved him on a ladder holding the cable clamps to the ceiling where he wanted them placed and the welder on another ladder there to weld the clamps to the steel ceiling. This meant lots of little balls of molten metal falling down all over you and a shower of hotsparks. This shit could burn right thru ordinary clothes so you wore heavy leather sleeves and a jacket to keep it from burning thru, BUT a good hunk of molten steel would get that leather so damn hot you wanted to yell because it burned so bad and may even leave a blister right thru the leathers. You did not yell, you did not jump, you did not complain, and you most definitely did not whine, this was the JOB and if you were too wussy to do it you had no business being there. Complaining like a little baby was just not done!! Too bad for the electrician, he sealed his fate with so much bitchin' and moanin' and whinin' about the hot sparks being hot and the metal was burning him and this and that till the point where the welder got so angry he welded the mans screwdriver to the ceiling with the clamp and then ran the current down the shaft and burned it off right at the handle! When he looked up and saw what was done I swear the man started crying! Crying over a cheap-ass piece of shit screwdriver! His fate was forever sealed, he joined the ranks of gurly-men everywhere and would never leave. He was in offshore hell, with nowhere to go and no escape from a week full of torment till the next boat going inshore arrived. No man likes being called a sissy, ever.

The next day I had a test of will that scared the bejeebus out of me and very nearly caused me to jump a hundred feet down into the sea. Me and the welder went to a lower deck and he showed me where he was going to be cutting a hole in the floor of the steel deck above. The hole was to be directly above one of the well heads where the gas was coming up out of the ocean floor, it was covered with all kinds of small piping and gauges and such to monitor the gas pressure and stuff. He had me get a fire extinguisher and said to standby there and put out the fire when he starts burning overhead as the gas will catch fire from the hot sparks falling. I thought he was kidding about it catching fire, I mean I thought I must surely have been there for just in case it would , not when it would.

I quickly found out it was no joke, the sparks fell, the fire started and I mean all this shit was in flames, big flames and it was spreading across the piping like crazy. Yeah, the thought of a near nuclear type blast ensuing next as the gas exploded into a fiery inferno sending debris for miles into the air, and me along with it crossed my mind and I was momentarily petrified, I had the extinguisher in hand but my first thought was to chuck the sumbitch and haul ass to the rail and leap overboard! I didn't of course, I hitched up my pants and cranked up that extinguisher and quickly put the fire out. I was SO elated, you just have no idea. Of course I now had a swelled head, as I felt like I had saved everyone from imminent doom by my heroic actions, but I was wrong I quickly found out. When I excitedly told the welder what happened he laughed and said yeah, that sometimes happens, why did I think he said to standby with the extinguisher?

I was no hero, I had just done what was expected of me as a man. It was a rite of passage for me though, I had faced possible disaster and death in my own mind and stood my ground, and I was damn glad the welder didn't notice the slight tremble in my voice and hands a few minutes later.

Or maybe he did, and just respected me enough that he didn't mention it. We got along pretty good after that, I was now one of the men, no longer a mere boy.

a new template!!

Shameless Plugging!

Finally!! I've found a 3 column template setup that works well under all resolutions and screen sizes that I've tested it in so far and it even looks right in Firefox!! Awesome! It took tons of tweaking and messing with to get it just right but it was worth the effort I think. This template works well with Blogger and doesn't need to be hosted elsewhere! And now I plan on using it for people that want a 3 column setup for their blog! It's VERY customizable as far as sidebar images, headers, colors, font colors and sizes, backgrounds and colors and just about anything else you want! I can deliver a unique appearance to anyone that desires it. One thing I've hated about all the 3 column templates I've seen before is that you end up with sideways scrolling when viewed on smaller screens, but not with this one, it automatically resizes!

I've also decided to make up small buttons, banners and even gravatars. Not to mention cool ass headers and stuff. So if you are in need of those services, spank me with some gmail at biteseven@gmail.com and we can talk! The prices will be very reasonable! And don't forget about doing entire blogs! My 2 newest ones are Lois Lanes new setup here and then there's Brightons blog here!! Oh, yeah, and they are both a great read, even if i wasn't showing off my template skills LOL

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Over the weekend I was reminded of a story about an old friend of mine named Jim, he was a long haired guy like me and we were at a Mardi Gras parade in New Orleans. They normally have people on horseback in the parades including mounted police leading it. A cop on horseback happened to stop right smack in front of us and Jim reached over and patted the horse on the side of its neck in a very friendly way, the cop kicked Jim square in the chest knocking him down with his boot in the stirrup and yelled keep your hands off my horse you fukkin' hippie!! Of course Jim was thoroughly PISSED and the rider and parade started to move again immediately.

When the cop got about 20 ft away fom us Jim jumped up and gave the cop the finger and the cop happened to turn and see him. He blew his whistle and 3 cops on foot came over and grabbed Jim and started whipping his ass on the ground with their clubs!!! One of them even pulled almost all the hair out of the top of Jims head! They threw his ass in jail for the weekend and charged him with being drunk and disorderly or someshit, I forget now, but the charge was total BS and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it back then. Now the cops are a lot cooler and let LOTS of shit slide at Mardi Gras, maye they were inundated with brutality lawsuits in later years. When that incident happened with Jim, those kind of lawsuits were unheard of.

in with pink

Warning, this post is not for the sexually squeamish!

I had just come inshore, unexpectedly, from a jobsite in the North Sea, the project was having long delays and the diving crews were put on hold until the work started up again. I was on a monthly salary contract, no matter where I was I was getting paid. Daily. With living expenses. I had dropped my apartment in Antwerp because I had expected to work the rest of my contract out offshore and when I returned I had no place to stay. I had some friends that owned a small hotel called Old Tom, (yeah, weird name) that was just off the main square downtown Antwerp, very, very nice people and they helped me learn a little Flemish and even invited me to dinner a few times. I decided to stay there for a while and do some more tripping around Europe till the end of contract.

I always carried my folding work knife wherever I went and was often playing with the stupid thing like it was a toy. One day sitting at an outdoor cafe enjoying a coffee I accidentally cut my finger badly on the blade as I tried to close it. I gathered up some paper napkins and tried to stop the bleeding and I was not having much luck, fortunately a girl saw my predicament and offered to help! She pulled a hanky out of her purse and wrapped it around my finger and bid me to hold it up, then grabbed my other hand and told me to follow, she spoke Dutch to me and I didn't understand a word, all I could figure was that she was taking me somewhere to help me. Finally she figured I couldn't speak Dutch and was able to tell me in broken English what she was going to do.

She was about 5'5" and very slim, almost waifish, butch looking pink hair and punk clothes and very cute, but tomboyish. We crossed the road to her building and went up a few floors on an elevator to her studio apartment. There was the typical messy apartment of a girl that didn't care too much about how the place looked, there were clothes and underwear all over, rock posters on the walls and empty booze bottles on the coffee table. And then there was the bed, nothing special really but it took up most of the room, nice sized and quite comfortable I was to find out. She brought some bandages out of the bathroom locker and wrapped my bleeding finger up quickly and told me her name was quite simply "Pink". Not surprising really with the bright pink hair and bright pink lip gloss, she also told me she was the singer in a rock band that played a few regular gigs around Antwerp.

We sat and chatted a while and had a few laughs and I told her about my situation with no real place to stay and stuff, I had the feeling she liked me and I thought it might be fun to get to know her while I was there. She told me she was singing at a gig that very night and invited me to come out and watch, told me where the club was and I agreed to show up later on. I had no idea she had some perverted plans for me, and I was to find out later that night just what they were.

I found the club easily and slipped inside, paying the door fee and went to the bar and got a beer. Pink was up on the stage and saw me and waved me over before they played the first set. The band was tuning up and getting everything ready to go and Pink introduces me to this beautiful girl with long dark hair and says it's her girlfriend named Margaux and asked her to show me around the club and hang out with me to keep me company. Girlfriend, I thought, what kind of girlfriend, and then they groped each other right in front of me and kissed each other full on the mouth, very wet kisses I might add, not just little pecks. It suddenly dawned on me that they were lovers, lesbians and now I had to wonder what was up with her wanting me to come out to meet them. Very weird, very odd.

The music was great, the band was loud and the crowd was fun, and my new friends were having fun playing with each other between sets, making out at a table we had and then Margaux started kissing me and groping me right in front of Pink. This was getting fun and I was wanting more. A lot more. We were getting a bit sloshed and when the sets were over we three ended up at Pinks apartment. They pulled me over to the bed and started pulling my clothes off, I started doing likewise to them and Pink kept sort of pushing me away but encouraging me to play with her girlfriend, Margaux, instead. Meanwhile, Pink was playing titty pinching and sucking with Margaux while i was rubbing her cooch and Margaux was going down on me. Turns out that only Pink was lesbian and Margaux was Bi and that Pink had brought me in as a present to Margaux!

These two women were hot, and they taught me a few new tricks, I had never seen a woman being fist fucked before and they did it to each other with wild abandon. At one point Pink shoved her hand inside Margaux and fist fucked her while my dick was inside her at the same time. The sensations were incredible. I had no idea up to that point that a womans coocha could open up so wide and that they would actually love the way it felt, I was like a kid in the most amazing toy store ever! Then the toys and dildos came out from under the bed and we had a blast playing with those, Margaux liked it up the ass and I was happy to oblige, Pink got her backdoor loosened up with lots of lube and a couple small dildos and then guided me in. Pink got under between her legs and licked her coocha while I poked her in the ass. There was lots of screaming and laughing as we played all night and into the next morning. The sun was coming up outside and we were still at it till we passed out on the bed in a heap. The next afternoon we all got up and showered and chatted and Pink asked me to stay there for a while and chip in on her rent instead of staying at the hotel. I quickly agreed of course, I knew there was a lot more fun to be had! That was just our first night together, Pink had more plans for me as it turned out and I'll make that another story.

move over grandma

On my way back from lunch today, I was unfortunate enough to get stuck behind an elderly person that was going 20 mph in the LEFT lane, in a 45 mph zone and she was riding her brakes the entire time!! I was surprised there wasn't smoke pouring out of each wheel from the brake heat. People were steering wildy to avoid becoming stuck behind her and trying to merge into the right hand lane of cars wizzing by at 50 mph! Needless to say I witnessed several near misses, if you are that much of a scaredy kat when driving YOU HAVE NO FUKKIN' BUSINESS ON THE ROAD. PERIOD. There is no defense for that type of stupidity, and to top it off she was driving a brand new car!! This person is apparently optimistic about their future driving abilities and that scares the hell out of me.

Now, I think that many elderly people are good drivers, some of the best and safest actually, my very own grandmother is 92 yrs old and is a good driver, a bit overcautious perhaps but not stupid!!! The driving example I witnessed today was as though I were watching a drunk go down the road, seemingly just as dangerous, maybe even more so, and the passenger appeared oblivious to what was going down around them as well. Wouldn't it fall upon the family to keep people like that from behind the wheel? Thoughts??

a tiny spot

Once, when me and my 2nd wife were at one of her GF's apartment for dinner, she grabbed my hand and we snuck to the bedroom for a few minutes for some quick fun, she pushed me back on the bed and unzipped me, and went to work with her mouth. A few minutes later her GF asks out loud where did we go! She stops at JUST the wrong moment to answer, a tiny *sizzle* is heard and there is suddenly a spot on the ceiling above my head.

We laughed hard for days and wondered if it was ever noticed, and occasionally I wonder if it's still there...

wake up...

wake up... Mr. Seven, it's 4 AM, time for your blood sample.

I rouse slightly, vaguely aware that there is someone near me. I think I hear speech but it makes no sense. I can't speak, my mind is so in a dense fog I can't form the thoughts to translate into words. The large amounts of ammonia in my brain has shut down almost all my mental faculties. My failing liver is the cause, it's not removing the ammonia like a normal one. High ammonia levels shut your thinking processes down and you can't remember one fleeting thought from one moment to the next. You're a zombie, comatose and dead to the world, nothing that happens matters, you only wish the thoughts and the sleep interuptions would cease so you can remain in peaceful bliss, sleeping, not knowing or unable to understand what has become of you.

Death beckons, it's a longing to let go, to just allow the what seems inevitable to occur without fighting it would be welcome. You smell like death, everything around you smells like death, you feel like you're already dead, why hang on? People are moving about you, adjusting things, touching you, moving you, sticking needle after needle in you, washing you, forcing you to eat, to drink, this is not welcome, to you it's an intrusion into your blissful sleep, you just want them to go away so you can die in peace.

Why do they make me live? You've died twice before and they revived you each time, but it's a vague memory and it passes as quickly as it came, why won't these people just let me go? Dammit, just fucking let me die....

Hours later, they wake me again, Mr Seven, we need to weigh you... Again, I can't speak, I'm more alive now but my throat is so dry that I can't move my throat or tongue to form words, not even the simplest ones, the massive doses of diuretics have dried my withered body out so bad that speech is nearly impossible even if I can gather the thoughts needed to form the words.

Weighing means actually getting out of bed and standing. My body is so badly weakened from being bedridden, barely able to move for months, a near impossible task, the sheer thought of standing is a process that takes a couple of minutes for me to absorb, it feels like I'm planning a battle, as the body movements needed to stand are almost beyond my mental capacity. It takes a few minutes to plan every movement of every muscle, improvising as I go. Finally with lots of help I'm seated at the edge of the bed nearly ready to attempt to stand.

I'm freezing cold now, no matter what temperature it is in the room, i'm buried beneath piles of blankets in a futile attempt to stay warm, my body now shivering uncontrollably as I try to reach out for the handrail of the portable scale. I notice my hand shaking violently as though I was a drunk with severe delirium tremors, the handrail seems miles away. I lurch forward and with all my strength attempt to keep my legs under me. I waver and nearly fall but catch myself at the last moment, now breathing hard, my lungs working overtime in short breaths, forced nearly to collapse from the huge quantity of fluid that has built up in my chest.

My body is out of the special protein your liver produces to keep your veins, arteries and tissues somewhat water/fluid proof and they leak profusely, the fluid builds up in your chest cavity surrounding your lungs, forcing them to be constricted and inside your lungs at the same time making breathing a huge and difficult chore. The fluid is also building inside your abdomen, surrounding all your internal organs, making them float, awash in water, constricting your stomach and bowels making all normal bodily functions very difficult and time consuming. I step onto the scale, barely able to hangon for the 10 seconds needed to get a reading. I let go of the railing and fall backwards onto my bed, flopping over on my side, barely able to pull myself to the center and get my head on the pillow.

I lay there, trying to go back to sleep, my mind wandering, dreading when they will return in a couple of hours to aggravate and interupt my blissful sleep again, I vaguely recall a revelation a few hours ago, something about wanting to die, now, what was that about... or maybe it was that if I died I would feel better, anything would feel better, even death. I glance up at the wall clock, it's 6AM now, 2 hours passed between then and now, or was that 4 AM yesterday...

no, it's not April Fool's... UPDATED!

...day yet.... just a warm-up.

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For those that missed the prank, here's an explanation... when people tried to view my blog earlier they got THIS instead of my usual header...

let the bodies hit the floor...

there's nothin' wrong with me!.... Play this while reading this post! Idea shamelessly ripped from THE LAST GIRL ON EARTH! (and she's hot too!)




Often times working at sea could get just downright boring, so damn boring that you just hoped some horrific acident or the vessel sinking or someshit would happen just to break the monotony. After you've read every dime novel in the ships library, seen every single movie the company ships out with the weekly supplies and wanked off about a bazillion times undercover in your bunk at night to the outrageous quantities of XXX porn that gets passed around, theres just not much else to do, dammit. So, I took up pranks as a hobby, yes, I said pranks, and not just any pranks mind you, some were really quite bad and incredibly funny! One of my faves was short-sheeting bunks.

If you don't know what that is, all you do is pull back the blanket and take the lower half of the sheet and pull it up to the pillow and remake the bunk/bed with the sheet folded back upon itself, when you try to get into the bed you find that there's just no room!! To the unititiated this is a most unexpected thing and it's hilarious watching some one try to get all the way in and yet it's impossible. I did this one night to a buddies bunk and he was coming back from shore leave, BUT they asigned a visiting companies VIP to the bunk instead as there was no room in the VIP quarters. Here is this big fat old guy trying to get in the bunk and it's pitch dark and we (4 in a room) can hear him gruntin' like a bitch trying to get in the upper bunk. Then suddenly we hear a loud RIIIIIIPPP!!!! and the bastard stuck his feet right thru the sheet! He knew we had rigged the bunk cause we started like gigglin' like little girls but the old fart didn't say a word about it!

Tooth paste under the pillow trick, ok, this one is just a variation on the shave cream in the hand trick except the paste is under the pillow, who doesn't stick their hands up under their pillow at night and then ends up smearing the goop all over their face?

The I glued your boots to the floor trick, ok, this one is just insane, I once got back at a guy that pulled the toothpaste gag on me by pouring an entire bottle of super glue on the bottom of his deck boots and put them back next to his bunk while he was asleep. The next morning he shows up on deckside in slippers with a boot in each hand and each one had a full size floor tile securely stuck to the bottom of each boot! It took him hours with a hacksaw to carefully cut all the floor tile off each one and damn he was pissed! But, he called a truce, he knew I had whipped his ass and he gave up.

Organized pranks, ok these were just plain rude, getting the diving crew together one time we had a cook onboard that just plain sucked ass, this guy was mean and honery, smoked while he was serving the chow and couldn't cook his way out of a frikkin Home Ec class in jr. highschool. We agreed to ask this bastard for pancakes every morning when it was your turn to put in your breakfast order, he never cooked pancakes anyway but we all still asked just to get on his nerves. Then one day the sumbitch actually gives in and makes up a huge batch of pancakes we ALL say naaa, no thanks. This really pissed the sucker off and he whined about it for a week but he was a bit nicer afterwards, although the food still sucked ass.

My buddy Diver Dave (see post below and more on him here)once engaged in a prank war and I kicked his ass, too. One day he put a huge, live blue crab in my top desk drawer at my inshore office. He was across the shop and watched me open the drawer for a pen and I did a double-take because the damn crab moved and made me jump like a monkey! He laughed his ass off but he knew he was gonna get paybacks. Oh yeah, and it was gonna be juicy!!!

He tiptoed around the shop and offices all day, peeking around corners, opening every box and drawer with slow deliberation expecting some heinous prank of doom to befall him at any moment, but part of my return prank was to keep him in suspense as long as possible. He was getting really antsy by the end of the day and finally started begging me to just do it and get it over with but nope, I let him stew all day long. Finally at the end of the day it was time to go home and he started saying stuff like na-na I couldn't do a good prank and other BS just to pick on me, but I just gave him my evil grin and let it go, and then, just as he thought he got away unscathed he grabbed his hardhat at the front of the shop to pass thru the construction yards to leave for home. He put the hat on and looked at me and said OH F*CK!!! you got me, you got me good you bastard that's it, I'm done I can't handle this anymore, TRUCE please!

I had put a huge gob nasty black axle grease inside his hat and smeared it all around the liner. Don't mess with the dog!